Losing stuff…

I’ve been a little stunned this week at what I have lost – and not weight-wise. I didn’t expect to lose weight as fast as I have so far, this is true – I read a lot about what I could expect to happen, and I think I miscalculated the speed at which this would happen in the beginning – looking at other folks’ stories, and dividing their total loss by the months it has taken them, I expected to lose “about 4 stone” by the end of April/start of May. If I was lucky.

So sitting here 8 weeks and 4 stones out, has been a bit of a shock.  But not as much as the fact that all of my rings have had to come off – not just the ones I got fairly recently, but my wedding and engagement rings, that I haven’t removed once in the 19 years I’ve had them. That hurts. I hate it. I “look” for them with my thumb all the time, because they have always been my “go to” security I guess. My anniversary ring, family ring, rainbow ring. All removed. My hands are totally bare now, and I don’t like it. “Better than losing them” folk say cheerily, but that isn’t the point. I can’t get a cheap replacement because I can only wear gold (to my husband’s disgust…hahaha), and I wouldn’t actually WANT to replace them either. But still…

Clothes. I had no idea I would drop sizes quite so fast. From a 26 to an 18 in jeans in 8 weeks. The pair of 22’s I’m wearing today are far too big, but I’ve only had them three weeks…vest tops are dropping off my shoulders, yet I’m reluctant to “let go” of the too-big stuff. Yes, I do think I still have wardrobe fear…most of the stuff is still too small, yet twice this week I have gone to wear something and it is too big, unwearably so. So no, I didn’t expect to lose so many clothes so soon…and yes, I still have them in drawers because I think subconsciously I still think I’m too big to wear them.

Confidence – what I used to have a little of – is going too. Folk are noticing and commenting, and they aren’t overly polite a lot of the time as well. I’m sure they don’t MEAN to be rude, but come on…comments have ranged from “stop ramming it down people’s throats” to “bloody hell look at you” and “you want to be careful, you’re losing too much”. Of course we are (I hope) getting to the time of year where I can offload my winter coat and jumpers, which will of course mean folk who haven’t really seen me, will suddenly think I look different. Even those who do see me frequently are seeing the changes.

In all honesty, it all scares me…

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One thought on “Losing stuff…

  1. You are doing this for you, nobody else Nic. As long as you look at you and like what you see, feck everyone else. Jealousy runs deep in some people, even those without weight problems. It will be jealousy because you are taking control of your life, and everybody could do with a little more of that! Keep going girl 😊

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