It is nearly 12 months since the day i had my surgery, and around 4 years since the GP finally agreed to refer me for it.
This year has, as the previous few also have, flown by. I am shocked every year about how much time has speeded up, about how we seem to simply blink and another month/year has gone. I look back at myself last December, and cannot quite believe the changes.
Yes, I’m thinner. Goes without saying really. I’m healthier too. I can breathe without struggling, I can walk up stairs, I can chase around my nanny babies and toddlers. I work around 60/70 hours a week, every week. I have the energy to still go on regular date nights with my husband. I can run our home even with working the hours I do.
It’s amazing.It is also a total head f*ck. who is this person? Who is she, in the mirror? Who is she, heading for the stairs not the escalator? Who is she, asking to share a meal when out? Who is she, leaving – yes, LEAVING, food on her plate? Who is she, worrying still about what other people think? Who is SHE?
She is me. Nic. I’m still me. I was always in here, and now I’m slowly starting to believe that she, IS me. She’s also the same bad tempered grumpy moo on occasion, as I am, but hey…can’t have it all, right?
Or can we? Because, whilst there is she, there is also he. And HE has been my biggest and best support throughout all of this. Absolute, unfailing, unflinching support. I could not have done this alone, without him. It is the hardest thing i’ve Ever done, yet in some ways it now feels like it was easy.
There are lifelong changes that have been made, and they are not easy. I read about folk having the surgery I have had who are complaining now that they can’t eat the same, can’t drink fizzy pop, have to take tablets forever…still ordering 3 course meals and eating the wrong stuff. Why do it? Why go through irreversible surgery that has such a massive impact on your life and body, to only carry on the way you always were? That must be soul destroying for them and their families too.
Of course there are downsides to this, and they are something that you have to accept long before the surgeon does his/her bit.
A life of medication, injections, loose skin, never eating some things again, small portions forever…it takes two years to heal inside, and I still have pain from where the biggest incision was made, even 11+ months on.
But even a small bit of research will tell you this. So please, if you have made this choice and been as lucky as I was to have it on the NHS, don’t moan about the changes you’ve had to accept.
One of our very good friends, a very well-respected medical person, when he found out I had had this done told me “that is the BEST thing you could EVER have done for yourself. You’ve added 20 years to your life. I am so pleased for you’
I’m pleased too…
What have you done today to make you feel proud?